a poem-beth's secret prayer-by b.miller
my mom was helping me...
my medicine costs 140, per month..
not much, but it helped a lot because,
my mortgage is almost paid up.
Right now my budget is tight.
Mom knows I become almost paralyzed
when I don't take it.
<>
my mom said she would pay my
house tax bill, this term,
because my budget is tight. and she didn't
want me to lose my house.
<>
my mom had my food supplement card.
Since I can't get out, right now..
she picked up groceries the same time they shopped.
She didn't want me to go without food.,,
or good water, because the tap water made me sick.
<>
mom had my car in her name,
so i wouldn't lose,
my supplemental medical insurance.
her husband broke the battery
but would not pay to replace it.
<>
the other day, monday...
she visited me .
wanted to bring me
her left over food.
I said ok,
just to please her.
we had a nice visit.
<>
she called me,
when she got home.
told me,
she was cutting off her help.
taking away my food,
water,
transportation,,
my medicine,
and would try,
to make me lose my home.
<>
And that lose nut,
bolt, and washer,
on the toilet tank?
the one I'd 'asked my mom,
to ask the husband,
to take ten minutes,
to tighten...
because,
not one person,
should have to go,
with out,
a toilet.
Well,
that help.
was not coming, either.
<>
On my tiny budget,
I would,
have to pay,
a plumber,
one hundred dollars,
just ,
to show up.
And mom laughed.
at me,
saying,
Ha..
no where to poop.
<>
What?
I asked.
I could not,
understand,
what,
she was talking about.
All she said was...
the license plate ,,,
it was his.
<>
the next day,
her husband,
[my dad died
years ago,
she remarried]
the next day he
told me...
''you...
had that guy visiting you,
and he gave you that pencil.
she saw his license on
the car.''
<>
And I thought,
oh, I'd had mom
hand me the pencil
on my window sill.
<>
It had been,,
cracking the window open,
for a year.
I'd recently had it taken out.
<>
Mom saw it,
and it reminded her of someone.
<>
So she just assumed...
and jumped to a conclusion.
<>
But that person had not been there,
had not visited,
had never been with me.
<>
I called her.
She would not answer.
tried many times.
i left a message.
''that was not that guy,
he was never here.''
she called back and said,
''you're lying''.
I have nothing more
to say to you,
ever again''
<>
Well, I was used to this,
since childhood,
her getting mad for no reason,
When someone is nice to her,
she makes up.
an excuse,
to be angry,
because,
she likes
to fight,
with people...
And she doesn't just get mad,
she tries to destroy your life,
and all that she thinks,
is dear to you.
As a child,
I learned to hide my toys.
And hide my treasured thoughts.
to protect my self...
<>
my medicine costs 140, per month..
not much, but it helped a lot because,
my mortgage is almost paid up.
Right now my budget is tight.
Mom knows I become almost paralyzed
when I don't take it.
<>
my mom said she would pay my
house tax bill, this term,
because my budget is tight. and she didn't
want me to lose my house.
<>
my mom had my food supplement card.
Since I can't get out, right now..
she picked up groceries the same time they shopped.
She didn't want me to go without food.,,
or good water, because the tap water made me sick.
<>
mom had my car in her name,
so i wouldn't lose,
my supplemental medical insurance.
her husband broke the battery
but would not pay to replace it.
<>
the other day, monday...
she visited me .
wanted to bring me
her left over food.
I said ok,
just to please her.
we had a nice visit.
<>
she called me,
when she got home.
told me,
she was cutting off her help.
taking away my food,
water,
transportation,,
my medicine,
and would try,
to make me lose my home.
<>
And that lose nut,
bolt, and washer,
on the toilet tank?
the one I'd 'asked my mom,
to ask the husband,
to take ten minutes,
to tighten...
because,
not one person,
should have to go,
with out,
a toilet.
Well,
that help.
was not coming, either.
<>
On my tiny budget,
I would,
have to pay,
a plumber,
one hundred dollars,
just ,
to show up.
And mom laughed.
at me,
saying,
Ha..
no where to poop.
<>
What?
I asked.
I could not,
understand,
what,
she was talking about.
All she said was...
the license plate ,,,
it was his.
<>
the next day,
her husband,
[my dad died
years ago,
she remarried]
the next day he
told me...
''you...
had that guy visiting you,
and he gave you that pencil.
she saw his license on
the car.''
<>
And I thought,
oh, I'd had mom
hand me the pencil
on my window sill.
<>
It had been,,
cracking the window open,
for a year.
I'd recently had it taken out.
<>
Mom saw it,
and it reminded her of someone.
<>
So she just assumed...
and jumped to a conclusion.
<>
But that person had not been there,
had not visited,
had never been with me.
<>
I called her.
She would not answer.
tried many times.
i left a message.
''that was not that guy,
he was never here.''
she called back and said,
''you're lying''.
I have nothing more
to say to you,
ever again''
<>
Well, I was used to this,
since childhood,
her getting mad for no reason,
When someone is nice to her,
she makes up.
an excuse,
to be angry,
because,
she likes
to fight,
with people...
And she doesn't just get mad,
she tries to destroy your life,
and all that she thinks,
is dear to you.
As a child,
I learned to hide my toys.
And hide my treasured thoughts.
to protect my self...
<>
but this really ,
came out of the blue,
a real surprise.
<>
I have asked a friend,
for help with groceries.
Her mom,
is going to drive,
to my house,
from 5 towns away.
just to get my food card,
and get a few things,
I absolutely need.
it amazes me,
how kind,
people an be.
<>
Out of desperation,
I begged a friend,
to tighten the bolt,
on my leaking water tank.
it really did take,
only a few minutes..
And he also,
prayed for me,
just before leaving.
Such a good soul.
<>
Another friend,
has bought,
a months supply,
of my medicine .
I will,
pay it back,
when I can.
<.>
So, good news,
I won't
become paralyzed.
<>
I will work out,
a payment arrangement,
for my tax bill.
<>
So Lord willing,
I won't lose,
my dear home.
all my belongings,
my dear cat,
and be,
in a homeless,
shelter.
or some friends,
uncomfortable,
extra room.
uncomfortable just because,
its not home.
<>
thank God.
<>
I will
probably
lose my
car.
<>
I will give,
it all,
to God,
<>
in prayer.
<>
And trust,
<>
in Him.
<>
the end.
<>
Amen.
came out of the blue,
a real surprise.
<>
I have asked a friend,
for help with groceries.
Her mom,
is going to drive,
to my house,
from 5 towns away.
just to get my food card,
and get a few things,
I absolutely need.
it amazes me,
how kind,
people an be.
<>
Out of desperation,
I begged a friend,
to tighten the bolt,
on my leaking water tank.
it really did take,
only a few minutes..
And he also,
prayed for me,
just before leaving.
Such a good soul.
<>
Another friend,
has bought,
a months supply,
of my medicine .
I will,
pay it back,
when I can.
<.>
So, good news,
I won't
become paralyzed.
<>
I will work out,
a payment arrangement,
for my tax bill.
<>
So Lord willing,
I won't lose,
my dear home.
all my belongings,
my dear cat,
and be,
in a homeless,
shelter.
or some friends,
uncomfortable,
extra room.
uncomfortable just because,
its not home.
<>
thank God.
<>
I will
probably
lose my
car.
<>
I will give,
it all,
to God,
<>
in prayer.
<>
And trust,
<>
in Him.
<>
the end.
<>
Amen.
